I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
