you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
