I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
