I puked a lego.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
