the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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