My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He kissed a someone with a penis
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
two words: eviction party
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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