Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
