You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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