Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
