I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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