oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
