She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
