I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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