I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
