And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
