i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
