8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
