Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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