I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
organizing the empties. That sober.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
