He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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