i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
