good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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