So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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