You made me cry and you don't even care
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize