Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
