guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
