the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize