I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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