I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
