i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
