The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
