I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
