shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
