i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
