Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
