Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize