Porn is love you can see.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
