i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
