Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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