Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This house was built for laser tag.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
