I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
