Buhtt sex?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
