Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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