Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
