Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
