i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
