so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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