guys are not supposed to queef...right?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
