ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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