After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
