Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
