cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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