I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's the barista slut.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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