so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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