I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
