I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
