I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
