Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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