If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fuck appropriateness.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
