that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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