The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize