dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
