I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
