what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
