I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
