Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
