and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize