I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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