the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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