so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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