ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
