Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
